Talking To Teens Takes Time
But I also need to remember that teens are not adults. According to the Child Welfare League of America, “Teens are apprentice adults, and they need room to breathe and learn the trade.” The path to adulthood may not be as smooth as we would like to dramatize it when recollecting our high school years. It may be the adults’ responsibility to recognize that “teens want to feel powerful in an adult world, but it is up to the adults to find ways of working through it together,” states the league.
So when is the best time to communicate with teenagers? I can’t tell you. Trying to open the door to actual lip movement depends upon if they chose to be participating.
“This is the way that teens exert independence,” says Kelli Mahoney, Christian youth worker and author of the website, www.christianteens.guide@about.com. She writes, “Despite the Commandment to “Honor your father and mother,” (Deut 5:16), many teens seem to do no such thing.” Of course, this can be exasperating to parents.
Let’s face it, there are going to be times when teens are not willing to talk about certain topics: homework, grades, the opposite sex, curfews, or church attendance. I have also learned not to push. In other words, learning to be patient with their “sorting out life” process needs to be respected and given space. Of course, always keep in touch with disturbing behavior or topics discussed that may lead them to hurt themselves or others.
The two-way communication process, as if it really exists with teenagers, can be carefully planned like playing catch up during the family dinner hour – OR if you really want the truth, it will happen spontaneously on your cell phone when you are driving down the interstate at 70 mph, or multi-tasking through the family bills, or maybe while renovating your home. It is about opportunity. Sometimes, we as parents need to drop everything and listen even if it means not completing the “To Do List” for the afternoon.
“If your teen wants ‘to talk’ that is a golden opportunity that shouldn’t be missed,” says Denise Witmer, the self-proclaimed “professional parent” and author of The Everything Guide to Raising A Successful Child.
Another opportunity to touch base with teenagers is in the family car. But Witmer says not use the time in the car as the only time you talk to your teens. In many ways I miss the chauffeuring of my teenagers. Though thankful when they acquired their driver’s licenses, I miss having their undivided attention even when they sat slumped so their friends wouldn’t see them in a car with their parents. On the other hand, have you ever been cooped up with a teenager in a car during a traffic jam? The term “backseat driver” changes from an additional passenger to a traffic cop teenager. In the end, it is my fault there is construction blocking the path of traffic; I should have known better; I should have timed myself more efficiently; I should have not taken this road; I have ruined their life because they are going to be late. But at least they were speaking to me.
About the Author
Copyright 2007 by Sharon Dunten, a Christian photojournalist and writer from Indianapolis, Indiana. Sharon feels her call is to photograph and write about poverty, injustice and to give a voice to those who feel they have not been heard. Sharon’s website in under construction.
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