Virtuous Women's Retreat-Relational Fitness
Love,
Respect and Communication are all key components necessary for every
good relationship. If you were to give all of your relationships a
check up right now, what would you find? Are any of the key components
missing? Is love evidenced in your relationships as identified in,
1 Corinthians 13:4-13: (The Message Bible)
3
-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be
burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no
matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without
love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8
-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in
tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a
portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete.
But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
11When
I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any
infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
12We
don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through
a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun
shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees
us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13But for right now,
until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward
that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love
extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
If I am honest I
must admit that sometimes I do keep track of wrongs. I have not done it
intentionally, but isn?t that what I do when I remind you that you
missed my birthday, instead of accepting your apology and letting it
go? Is that my maturity speaking or my childishness, the thing that was
supposed to be left behind when I grew up? Wow, I thought I had it
together and then God showed me what He has been trying to show me for
a long time, to love enough to be patient, kind, understanding and
forgiving. My joking about wrongs that were done to me keeps them alive
in my head and heart and also in the head and heart of the one I
thought I was wronged by.
Maybe I am the only one that has
gotten this love thing wrong on occasion, but sometimes, I feel like
giving up on my relationships and if I am honest, I have threatened to
give up, tried to give up and even took a short sabbatical, until I was
chastised by my heavenly Father and His servants enough to know I had
to go back to work. How does the person I exhibited this behavior with
feel now? Can they be secure in my love for them? Can they trust that
love not to give up on them when things get difficult? Can they trust
that I will be there for them when they need me or are they walking on
eggshells waiting for the time when I really will walk away? Sometimes
it is because I have tried to deal with my relationships on my own
rather than letting God do it.
Some of you may be thinking
that this is about a male/female relationship, a husband/wife
relationship or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but let me assure
you that we all have more relationships than just the ones we have with
the opposite sex. Check all of your relationships. Give every one of
them the love test as described in 1 Corinthians 13 and see how they
score. Are there any relationships that you need to work to fix? Is
there anyone you need to apologize to even if they do not know what is
going on?
How do I resolve this immature love relationship?
How do I fix the mess ups? How do I undo any damage I have done not
only to myself, but to someone else? I do it by first asking God to
forgive me and then asking the people I have done it to for their
forgiveness.
Forgive me God.
Most of my friends would
say, no big deal, don?t worry about it. I know you were just teasing,
etc. Knowing what they will say does not rule out my need to ask for
their forgiveness. I must ask for their forgiveness because God has
revealed it to me. I have to do it as part of my getting right with
Him. It is part of my obedience.
Trust God with all of your relationships. Start by building a loving relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ!!!
What about respect?
Is God's direction about respect as clear as His direction on love?
Peter 2:17 says, ?Show respect for everyone. Love your Christian brothers and sisters.[a] Fear God. Show respect for the king.?
How clear is respect in that verse of scripture?
God
is very clear in telling us to respect everyone. We are not to respect
based on what they do or do not do. We are not to respect based on
their relationship to us. Respect your children, husband, co-workers
and the homeless man on the street if you want to be obedient to God.
By our showing respect we are also showing love.
Does showing respect mean that I agree with everything the person says or does?
No,
it does not. Showing respect is not based on agreement. The bible is
clear in Romans 13:1, that we are to, Obey the government, for God is
the one who put it there. All governments have been placed in power by
God. There are individuals in positions of authority right now that we
may not have voted for, however, God allowed them to be placed in
position and we must respect them. There are people in our families
that we did not choose but that does not take away our responsibility
to show them respect. The best way to know whether or not you are
showing respect to another is to ask how you would want to be treated.
Many of us have individuals in our lives that are struggling with
different issues, financial difficulties, divorces, relationship break
ups, weight problems, emotional distress behind relationships that
everyone told us we should never have been involved in, in the first
place, etc. Whatever the issue the person is dealing with whether it is
self imposed or a difficulty they had no control over, we are still
expected to show them respect.
Do you have any relationships
where you have begun to disrespect someone because of your opinions?
You see a friend struggling financially and you are unconcerned and
will not even pray for them because you think they got into it because
of their poor decisions and spending habits? You have another friend
that is overweight and you have no compassion because you see their
eating habits and you think, why bother?
Challenge yourself
through the leading of the Holy Spirit to identify the relationships
where you have begun to show disrespect and ask God to show you how to
move back into a loving, respectful relationship.
What are some signs of disrespect?
* Disregard of the other persons feelings.
* Not listening or allowing them to share their opinions or feelings.
* Cutting the person off when they are talking.
* Talking over the other person.
* Talking to the other person while walking a way from them.
* Being rude or insensitive.
* Rolling your eyes or some other action or attitude that is unloving.
* Walking away from the person.
* Using profanity in your conversation with them.
* Talking down to another person.
* Making fun of what the other person is saying.
Do any of these describe your behavior in relationships?
If
they do we encourage you to pray and ask God to show you how to renew
your respect in these relationships and how to honor and respect those
that you are in relationship with.
Finally, what about the communication in your relationships?
In
a conversation with my son I learned that women have so much more to
say than most men really want to hear because we as women are very
verbal. Men have a desire to resolve whatever the issue is and move on.
Let's try some new communication strategies in our relationships-
1.
Pray-Talk To God First!! Our communication will be better when we ask
God into the conversation. Ask Him to teach us how to communicate and
what to communicate.
2. Ladies-What does he really want and need to hear? Could we really give him the skinny version and save our own feelings.
3. Let the conversation end naturally. We don?t have to have the last word.
4. Don?t take the other persons desire to hurry to bring the conversation to an end personally. Maybe they are tired.
5. Find girlfriends that are also verbal and don?t mind listening to you.
6. LISTEN!!!!!! Don?t insist on making yourself heard or making your point.
7. Do not attack the other person because your point is not accepted or agreed to.
8. Avoid making unnecessary comments- also known as ?saying to many words?.
9. Consider the other person?s feelings, not just your own.
10. Choose your words wisely.
11. Check your body language.
12.
When your feelings do get hurt, because they may, go to God for
comfort, support and encouragement. Remember that it is not about you.
Whatever
you do don?t retreat to silence in an attempt to solve your
communication problem. Your silence is an attempt to punish or
manipulate and does not give God glory or draw you closer together.
Remember
that all communication is not done through our lips. We communicate
much with our eyes, and body language. Use every part of you to
communicate God?s heart through you. A smile should reach your eyes not
just your lips.
In the book of James we learn a lot about the
tongue and the power it has to lift up or tear down. James 3:7-10:
?This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue?it's
never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our
tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the
very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of
the same mouth!? Remember Proverbs 18:21 says, 21Death and life are in
the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit
of it [for death or life].(A)
Remember that our relationships
are fragile and need to be treated with Tender Loving Care! Remember I
told you yesterday that we have the ability to change the atmosphere. I
believe we as women can change it for good or for evil, because God has
blessed us with that kind of power. Please use yours for good, not to
manipulate to get your way or to make someone feel bad. Let God deal
with the ones that mistreat you. Put your focus on how you treat them.
The bible assures us that vengeance belongs to God and He will repay
everyone that has hurt His beloved daughter. Just be the loving, sweet
Proverbs 31 Woman He created you to be. Remember we are a royal
priesthood of princesses and queens.
If you would like to
respond to anything that we have said or have any specific questions
for us that you are unable to ask during the session we encourage you
to visit our website and go to the message board. There you can write
regarding any of the topics that are already open or create your own.
Whatever you do if you have a question or concern, do not keep it to
yourself. Ladies we need God and each other to get through some of the
things we have to get through. Maybe you will find a sister that has
already been through what you are going through.
For further discussion contact angela@mynewtemple.org or write to us on the message board http://mynewtemple.org/aMessages.html.
Now
we have worked out spiritually and I want to challenge you to work your
bodies out physically by going through a exercise routine you have
established for yourself or going to our website and working out for at
least 20 minutes three times per week.
Have a blessed day.
About the Author
Copyright New Beginnings Health and Fitness Ministries, Inc. 2006 www.mynewtemple.org
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