Lifelines for Valentines
Grab hold of these Valentines Lifelines to be rescued from the relationship doldrums. Lifeline #1 Adjust Your Expectations The media fosters unrealistic expectations when it comes to the way men and women express their love on Valentines Day. Watch a few dozen Zales commercials and you’ll likely be anticipating a candlelit dinner where hubby drops a diamond solitaire into your champagne glass… Or, check out enough FTD ads and you may find yourself waiting breathlessly by the front door to see if a lavish floral arrangement will soon be delivered. Those things are nice, but the reality is, the most extravagant gift many of us will receive this Valentines Day is a heart-shaped cardboard box with cheap chocolates and a K-Mart greeting card (which seemed thoughtful and touching, before we saw the commercials). Romance doesn’t flourish because you max out your credit card. Romance flourishes when you open your eyes to the greatness of your mate…just as they are today. For example, men on commercials do things like light candles and fill bubble baths for their wives, while regular guys show they care by paying the medical insurance on time or checking the oil in the car before a big trip. Not romantic, but lovable all the same! Women on television are portrayed as desperately sexy housewives, or as well dressed, scantily-clad stick figures who run corporate America. But the truth is, most women can be found doing things like nursing the baby in two-day old clothing that smells of “spit up,” or raising a gaggle of kids while fighting to lose those last thirty pounds. Not perfect, but perfectly wonderful! Adjusting your expectations to line up with reality will foster a happy union and help you enjoy your mate. Lifeline #2 Deal With the Unforgiveness in Your Relationship Unforgiveness is like smelly trash—it tends to build up: Yesterday a few coffee grounds and an overripe cantaloupe sat rotting in the bottom of the kitchen trash can, and it began to smell. Add last night’s chicken bones, leftover pasta salad, and an empty cat food can, and its worse. Smash it down and throw in today’s orange peels, egg shells, and spoiled salsa. The trash can is overflowing and stinking up the whole house! Unforgiveness is the trash that can smell up your relationship. Even though hurt feelings make it tempting to hold a grudge, it’s important not to let grievances build up. You have to take out the trash, so to speak. The secret to forgiveness is to not wait until you feel like forgiving; because frankly, you probably never will. Instead, decide to forgive. Lifeline #3 Appreciating Opposites We’ve all heard the saying “opposites attract,” but I’ve found sometimes “opposites attack.” The personality traits and adorable quirks that initially attracted you to your spouse can be the very qualities that are now driving you crazy. Around our house we refer to my husband Jeff as “Felix Unger” (the neat one from that old show The Odd Couple). Sometimes as I do the dishes I can feel his eyes on my back…watching me. He watches me load the dishwasher and wants to give me a little instruction. He watches me wipe off the counters and would like to give me efficiency tips. He watches me put food scraps down the garbage disposal and can hardly refrain from offering suggestions. And although his perfectionist personality has at times driven me crazy and caused occasional conflict around our house, I’ve come to appreciate the fact Jeff likes to vacuum, take out the trash, and generally make things neat. Think of appreciation as “warmth to roses.” When roses are exposed to a little natural sunlight and warmth, they begin to open with glory. Appreciation is the warmth that will cause your spouses personality and true self to bloom. When was the last time you noticed out loud something your mate did right? Its true relationships can be challenging at times—but they can also be fulfilling, comforting, and joyous. If we want to enjoy our marriages, it’s important to keep our sense of humor intact and our minds focused on our mate’s good qualities. Overlooking another’s faults means to literally “look over the top” of the faults to see the person you love standing on the other side. You love your spouse. You don’t love their faults—but you do love them. Remind yourself of all their wonderful qualities and get busy having a wonderful Valentines Day!
About the Author
Paula Friedrichsen is a conference speaker and the author of "The Man You Always Wanted is The One You Already Have " (Multnomah 2007). Paula lives in Northern California with her husband and teenaged daughter. www.PFMinistries.com
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